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Very good and also helpful and supporting talk. Sharp questions, very wise answers. ❤ Darlene Lancer is one of the top experts on this topic. Sooooo very helpful for many many people, me included. Thnx again! 😊

Always helpful, thank you.

This was so chaotic, integrating the web chat was so confusing

"You accept the amount of abuse you give yourself" ...damn

good topic very interesting but just a suggestion, could you remove the icicle twinkle lights in the background.

Codependency ( one version , and a very great one ) : “someone’s who’s thinking and behavior revolves around something other then themselves - Darlene Lancer 🙏

Well spoken!!!

The point of an interview is to elicit information from the subject. Lilli talked more than Darlene. Her non questions were about expounding her personal issues and "knowledge." This was a missed opportunity to learn from Darlene, a forerunner in the nascent area of codependency therapy. Lilli definitely filled my dislike tank.

What if speaking your mind means ur trying to give advice on something in the workplace that could be better LOL 😂

If a true narcissist cannot: empathize, see you as a person with feelings, control their reactions when they perceive criticism, is there ever enough in the relationship to make the partner feel that it is worth it to continue? I mean, I don't want to have to explain to a grown man WHY it's important for him to come to the hospital if my relative is near death. Seems like a controlled form of codependency, in which the partner is continually adapting to the narc in order to obtain the most basic level of reciprocity. Whole lot of exhaustive, additional one-sided work.

I like the slot machine, addictive analogy, as a codependent son to a narcissistic mother who became widowed in my childhood. My survival was to lean into the rescuer role and support my mother - be her counsellor, her gardener, her surrogate on vacations. There was no-one else around and I couldn't bear to see her so unwell and unhappy on her own. Extremely vulnerable and childlike. My sister took all the abuse and was scapegoated. Her life is ruined, sadly. I am waking up to this now at 45. I always knew it was dysfunctional but ran away to find myself. But it's not until you get therapy you can really find that person, that child, who started disappearing around the age of 8 or 9.

Yes they come accross as loving, modest, compassionate people. I was just dating 1. I got shock when out of the blue this lovely person started to gaslight me, lying, denying making victim out of himself etc.very vindictive.But he called me tough cookie because I was not falling for all the nonsense. So he said he doesn't want to be with me anyways. I think Narcissism is the worst personality disorder.Narcissists should form relationships with another narcissts

So how do you get the shame out of the body? Do you tap? Is it journaling? What can be done?

Are 12 step programs really that important, out of curiosity? I've read in your book and John Bradshaw's that they are but... I look at them and it's like. "Admitting you're powerless" and expecting a "higher power" to deal with it... Isn't that just shame repackaged? It feels to me like it's disempowering the individual?

I read your book, conquering shame and codependency. Firstly it's the first book I've managed to finish in over 10 years, on top of that it was a non-fiction book which I was never big on reading when I can. It's been helping a lot and has helped me with massive changes in a very short amount of time. Thank you so much for writing it. It was confronting at times but extremely helpful.

Omg I think this is why I keep self sabotaging🤦🏻‍♂️

This is wonderful. Thank you for breaking it down into parts that I can dive more deeply into.

Sometimes when i am socializing or engage with a certain person, or when someone is trying to get "close" to me, or maybe I am revealing certain personal information about myself, I begin to shake/shiver/tremble. I don't know what my body is trying to tell me. What does it mean? Is my body trying to alert me that the person is bad? Or do I need to stay with the feeling?

I just divorced an alcoholic 3. months ago.He won't talk to me I'm grieving he hasn't blown me but I've texted him for 40 days and he won't respond he's spread rumors about me and he's living with a very unattractive woman by a liquor store.He has heart failure implanted defibulator 9 yrs married

What is the name of her book?

Why does she keep interrupting! Can someone set a boundary with her, please!

I suffer from post traumatic stress disorder due to Childhood Traumas. I've been shot at with a box of bullets, starved, molested, beaten, and neglected. All before I was 8. How do I fix me? I've never been loved and now am contemplating suicide. Can you help me learn to love me?

Good job ladies!

I appreciate your effort to have a discussion with Darlene but please stop side tracking the discussion by constantly interjecting with remarks about how you are stalking her or that she is directing the conversation. As a listener it is distracting from the actual topic of conversation which is complex and demands attention. Thank you.

Please, do another program ! The way you interact is prieceless !

Thank you for the resource - Dating, Loving and Leaving a Narcissist

Thank you

I often struggle with codependency with my young children which limits my ability to show them true love which is not spurred by fear and anxiety. On my good days, I am not reactive and I see my children flourish. Listening to these exercises, I felt myself shift back into a good state and I do not feel as fear of mistakes as I was earlier today. Very grateful! I did not expect it!

Well explained to understand codependency for me :)

The codependats predicament. So in need of love too, Then bestow upon to you. The lust passion desire, To worship follow admire The wants hopes dreams, To thoughts pains screams. The voice opinion need, To wait serve plead. The doubt dread fears, To heartache dispair tears. So in need of love too, Then bestow upon to you. All except the breathe, In a lonely deathless death. .

Sounds like the 4 Attachment Styles

wish I had discovered your work sooner - it is so helpful. Thank you!

Wow. Lightbulb moment at age of 70!! Over the summer, realized that I’m married to a narcissist after all these years. Today, while listening to your podcast, realized I am a codependent. Thank you so much for this material… it’s never too late to mend!!

Such a great understanding of the dynamics in these relationships! I keep listening and learning a little more every time! Thank you for your work and dedication to helping us

Thank you so much i have been in a deep sleep like have been doing all of this & i lost my relationship due to codependency

Thank you.

As I listened to this .. almost bearing the end .. there a miracle in one marriage but I’m been so traumatized bec of his indifference and no sense of apology and rejection, abandonment . He’s just sooo detached .. I just don’t see anymore change .. I want to leave .. is it ok to do so ?

"Shame breads perfectionism"

That's the consequence of narcisistic Parent/Partner. NEGATIVE Self Talk.

My narc sister wanted me to dissect her cat Hoss after it died to determine cause of death. I was thinking scientific autopsy on cat. I couldn’t do it because I knew Hoss and that he was a pet. A narcissist can try to fool you into doing acts that you would never think of doing. Ever. I had fallen into other traps she lead me into trusting her. This is an example of how they can get you to sin.

Western propaganda has set us up to destroy our lives. The way God intended us to live is the answer!

When you get your value from Jesus Christ and not others and put Him first and live the way God calls us to, thats how we find healing and a healthy emotional life.

Best description of Codependency ❤

Darlene is my hero. I started reading her books, especially Codependency and Shame, and I still read it over and over and over. It is so rich, I continue to learn how to unpack my codependency!